Christmas Sweater Mayhem
by Jude81
Summary: Clarke buys Lexa a truly atrocious Christmas sweater, and Anya will never let her live it down, until the tables are turned. Humor and Fluff and Christmas cheer! Written for the Clexmas18, 12 Days of Clexa on tumblr.


**Note: This was written for the 12 Days of Clexa. This is Day 12 12/14/18 Christmas Sweaters. Check out all the Christmas stories on tumbler. Tags are: Clexmas18, 12DaysofClexa**

"It's awful, Anya! I mean…I don't even know how to describe it other than Christmas literally threw up all over it." Lexa dropped her head into her hands, elbows on the table, trying her best to ignore the snort of laughter from her cousin.

"It can't be that bad, Lexa. Come on, let me see it." She reached over the table and plucked at Lexa's coat, which was still buttoned all the way to her chin. She laughed again when Lexa jerked out of her reach, swatting at her hands like a drunken wasp.

"Nooo!" She whined, as she gripped the short stand collar of her brown jacket tighter, fist wrapped around the fabric just under her chin, almost choking herself. Choking would be preferable than showing up wearing the monstrosity that Clarke had insisted she wear to the party tonight. But she really had no choice, not if she wanted to go home with her girlfriend that night. She had plans, and she wasn't going to let an ugly Christmas sweater mess it up for her.

Lexa sighed and loosened her hold on her jacket collar slightly, as she picked up her peppermint mocha with the other hand. She glanced around, sipping and smiling a little at the people scattered throughout the small café. Just Love was a local hangout for she and Anya, the atmosphere always warm and welcoming. She wasn't sure if it was the dark walls with bright paintings on the walls from local artists, the quiet music playing in the background, or fresh smell of roasting coffee and cinnamon rolls, but this place never failed to make her smile.

Anya smirked and leaned back in her chair, one arm carelessly slung over the back of her chair. Her leather jacket gaped open, revealing the soft black t-shirt she wore. Anya preferred mostly wearing black and gray colors, only adding one splash of color to her outfit, and today, her dark jeans, black t-shirt and black, leather jacket were complimented with bright red scarf, wrapped loosely around her neck.

She tapped her fingers on the table, wondering how she was going to persuade her cousin to open her jacket, and more importantly how she was going to convince her to sit still long enough so she could snap a picture. She had a feeling Clarke had outdone herself this year with her ugly sweaters.

"You know you are going to have to show me sometime, right? I mean the party is tonight, and you can't show up without wearing it," she pointed out, arching an eyebrow at Lexa, daring her to deny it.

"I'm going to leave my jacket on all night," mumbled Lexa as she looked down at her coffee, a deep frown marring her smooth face.

Anya nodded, smirk firmly in place.

"Shut up," muttered Lexa sticking her tongue out at Anya.

"I said nothing!"

"Your face said it all!"

"Ah yes, my face is worth a thousand words," chuckled Anya as she flipped her hair, only to laugh harder as Lexa glared at her.

"A thousand fucks, maybe," muttered Lexa into her mug as she took a huge gulp, trying to avoid Anya's laughter.

"Yes, Raven and I do fuck on the regular. Thanks for asking."

Lexa groaned and slammed her mug down on the table, knowing there was no winning when Anya was in a sassy mood. Nothing she said would be left alone, Anya would jump on it like a feral cat.

Anya leaned forward, wrapping both hands around her mug. "Look, kid, I'm going to see it now. Might as well let me see it now, so it will be less embarrassing than if I see it at the party."

As much as Lexa hated to admit it, it did make an ironic sort of sense. Show her now and be mocked in front of strangers or show her at the party and be mocked in front of all her friends. "Fine," she muttered as she set her mug down, and gripped both sides of her jacket.

She looked around her, making sure no one was paying any attention to them. No one was, each person to busy on their laptops, reading, or chatting with friends. She yanked open her jacket wide and then quickly closed it again, knuckles white around the edges of her jacket, teeth grit together.

"What are you? A fucking flasher? I literally saw nothing but a blob of green and…" she hesitated and cocked her head… "purple?"

Lexa could only nod.

Anya sighed and flicked her hand at Lexa, "open it and let me look."

"Promise not to laugh?"

"Of course not! Why would I promise that? I intend to laugh. A lot."

"Fuck," muttered Lexa as she sighed in defeat and opened her jacket again.

"Wider."

"Ugh. I hate you."

"Yup. Now wider or I'm going to make you stand and show me."

Lexa gulped and quickly yanked it open, almost off her arms and closed her eyes tightly.

"Oh my…fuuuuuck. Are you sure she loves you? 'Cuz that shit is just mean." Anya snorted and looked away, her eyes actually hurting a little from the garish colors. She closed her eyes tightly for a minute, still able to see the fading green and purple. She turned back to Lexa.

"So…my retinas actually hurt. Where did she even find that?" She laughed and reached across the small table, snagging part of the sweater and pulling it towards her so she could see better. "Are those…? What the fuck are those…you know…those purple blobs with sticks in them?"

Lexa slumped in her seat, head back. "Stick figure sugar plums. Dancing sugar plums to be exact. They go all around the hem." She looked down at the sweater, it was truly a sight to behold, and she winced, her eyes hurting slightly. Thankfully pretty much everyone at the Griffin Christmas Party would be friends, otherwise she certainly wouldn't make any new ones tonight.

The sweater was a rather festive yellow-lime color with dancing, purple sugarplums around the hem and around the wrists and collar of the sweater. Dark green, gold, and white Christmas trees were sprinkled generously all over the sweater, and smack dab in the middle was Rudolph. At least she was pretty sure it was Rudolph. It was hard to tell as it looked more like a demented moose than it did Rudolph, but the alarmingly red nose was the dead giveaway. It was huge, three inches to be exact, and stuck out of the sweater like a bloody thumb.

"Does that…" Anya reached across the table again, slapping Lexa's hands away this time as she grabbed the nose and squeezed.

 _Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose!_

Lexa squeaked and yanked her jacket closed and hunched over, arms around her chest as she looked around quickly, wincing at the number of heads that were now turned their way. She did her best to muffle the tinny music blaring from the small nose, but she knew not much could be done, but ride it out. Thankfully the song didn't cycle through all the verses, and after a moment it stopped.

Anya simply stared, mouth open slightly. She really hadn't expected the music, she figured it would only light up at most. But this…this was…priceless.

She threw her head back, the laugher spilling past her lips. She gripped the edge of the table, not even bothering to try and muffle her laughter, her delight too great to be contained any longer. "I-I-oh God…I-oh fu-fuck," she wheezed as she leaned forward, arms now wrapped around her stomach as she tried to speak, between the gales of laughter spewing past her lips.

"Oh my g-god," she hissed as she finally sat up slowly, wiping the tears from her eyes. Her belly and chest ached from laughing so hard, and she made a mental note to thank Clarke later. Christmas had come early for Anya, and she was over the moon. Lexa would never live this down, not if she could help it.

"Wh-what…" she coughed and tried again. "What did you do to make her do that to you?"

"Nothing!" Lexa slumped even further into her chair, nose buried in the collar of her jacket. She stretched out her legs under the table, managing to place a reasonably well aimed kick to Anya's shin. She smirked when Anya winced and moved her legs out of the path of Lexa's vengeance.

"You know how Clarke is. Christmas is her thing, and it's not like I could say no."

"Sure you could. You need to muscle up, Buttercup, and learn to tell your girl no." Anya sat back with a relieved sigh, the ache in her abs finally disappearing from the laughter.

Lexa groaned, her mind flashing back to earlier in the day.

 _"Come on open it!" Clarke was fairly vibrating with excitement as she eagerly shoved the shopping bag into Lexa's hands._

 _Lexa laughed and reached into the bag, smiling when Clarke grabbed the back and jerked it down to reveal a tissue wrapped package._

 _"It's for tonight. For the party. To wear. I have one to."_

 _Lexa nodded and carefully undid the tissue and held up what she could only describe as an actual monstrosity, a blight on humanity. She winced, her eyes hurting from the glaring lime color. The material appeared to be wool and something else, and just..._

 _"Well what do you think? I have one to! So we can wear them to the party tonight at mom's."_

 _Lexa could barely hear Clarke, the blood rushing in her brain drowning out all thoughts except that there was no way she was wearing this crime against humanity out in public. She nodded slowly trying to figure out how to tell Clarke that that was literally the ugliest thing she'd ever seen. She was sure it would give her eyes cancer._

 _"I know it's ugly," laughed Clarke as she stepped closer to sliding an arm around the older girl's waist, starting to grow concerned that Lexa still hadn't said anything, but looked almost shell-shocked._

 _"Baby? It's supposed to be ugly. You know…ugly Christmas sweater tradition." She leaned up and kissed Lexa on the cheek. "It will be our first Christmas tradition!"_

 _Lexa swallowed hard and nodded slowly, her fingers tightening in the fabric as she lowered her arms and finally focused on Clarke._

 _"It's uh…um…a lot," she managed to choke out. "You know…um…lime isn't really my color."_

 _"It isn't lime, it's green, baby," laughed Clarke as she turned away and dug through another bag, finally yanking out another sweater, this one a royal blue. "See this one is mine?" Clarke frowned for a moment, "they don't match though. Next year!"_

 _Lexa nodded, her ears ringing with the words "next year." "Um, hon, do you think I could…wear something else? I mean, you know me…I get overheated easily, and I wasn't planning on wearing a sweater at all." Her voice trailed off as she saw the light in Clarke's eyes immediately dim. Fuck._

 _"Oh. Well, you don't have to wear it. Not like I'm going to force you," muttered Clarke as she shoved her sweater back into the bag. "Wear what you want."_

 _Lexa shuffled her feet, hating the dejected slump of Clarke's shoulders. She gave herself a mental pep talk and then stuffed her arms into the sweater, cursing the demon who created the ugly sweater tradition. It took her a moment to get it on, and she smoothed it down, her hands running over the heavy felted applique on the front. Oh God._

 _"It's great!" She could hear the strain in her own voice and realized she needed to lie better. She walked over to Clarke and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her back into her chest, burying her face in her hair, breathing in the warmth of her shampoo._

 _"It's good. I will wear it."_

 _"But you don't want to." Clarke's voice sounded suspiciously wet, and Lexa cursed herself for being an idiot. If wearing a sweater that even the Geneva Convention would designate as a human atrocity would make Clarke smile, then she would be do it._

 _"I do." She turned Clarke around. "I do," she whispered pressing her forehead to Clarke's. "I love you, and I want to wear this sweater, and I want you to wear your's, and we will go to the party and have fun," she swallowed hard before continuing, "and next year we will get matching sweaters." It cost her to say it, and she was already dreading next year, but the beautiful smile that split across Clarke's face was more than worth it._

 _"I love you too, baby. Thank you for doing this for me." Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa's, letting her tongue slide lightly against Lexa's lips, gently coaxing her to open her mouth. They spent a moment, bodies pressed tightly together, drinking each other in, before Lexa pulled away with a groan._

 _"Crap. I have to meet Anya at Just Love." She pulled away slowly, dropping a soft kiss on Clarke's nose. She moved to take off the sweater hesitating when Clarke simply stared at her._

 _"Right. I don't have time really to change, since we are going to the party from the café," she murmured weakly. Anya would never let her live it down. "Ok, just gonna grab my coat then."_

 _She walked out to the entryway, Clarke close behind her. She pulled on her coat, thanking God it was big enough to cover the bulky sweater._

 _Clarke smiled, knowing why Lexa had hesitated, and she felt kind of bad about the sweater being so ugly, except Lexa even managed to make that look adorable._

 _"I know it's ugly, but on you, it is adorable," she reached out, her hand cupping Lexa's bottom, and squeezed, making the older laugh and jump a little._

 _"Naughty," murmured Lexa as she turned around to face Clarke._

 _"You have no idea, baby. But I plan on being very nice to you later," she smirked as she winked at Lexa who immediately blushed at the implication. "Now go. Anya will be cranky if your late." She kissed Lexa one last time and waved her out the door._

"I'm serious, you should have just told her no and stuck with it. You're a damn pushover when it comes to Clarke," chuckled Anya. Lexa might have been a pushover for Clarke, but Clarke was good for Lexa and vice versa, and while she wouldn't admit it to her any time soon, she actually really liked Clarke.

Lexa snorted and sat up, "Oh really? And what if it was Raven who had given you this sweater? Hmmm?" She leaned forward, her top lip curling over her teeth. "Would you really not wear it?"

"Yup," stated Anya as she lifted her mug and took a long drink. She set it down with a thunk, arching one eyebrow at Lexa as she sat back in her chair, once again the picture of laconic ease. "I would just tell her no." She waved her hand dismissively in the air. "I don't wear ugly sweaters."

"Really? Just like that?" Lexa waved her hand in the air, copying Anya. "Pfft. Just like that?"

"Yup. Exactly. You have to learn to tell Clarke no."

"I don't want to," muttered Lexa as she looked away, a small smile playing about her lips. Telling Clarke yes had always been the easiest thing to do. And really, the moment Clarke had pulled the sweater out of the bag, eyes gleaming with excitement, practically vibrating in her seat, Lexa knew she wasn't going to refuse her.

Anya snorted and shook her head before raising her hand and snapping it in the air. "Whaapsssh. You're whipped, Cuz."

Lexa grunted and shrugged smiling as she sat up. "It isn't whipped to do things to make the one you love happy." She leaned forward, ignoring Anya's shrug. "By the way…Clarke was shopping with Raven that day."

She let the words dangle between them, smirking when she saw Anya stiffen slightly. She watched as Anya watched her out of the corner of her eyes, her fingers suddenly tapping on the table again. But Lexa said nothing, just letting the unspoken thought marinate.

She smiled when Anya fully straightened in her chair leaning forward. Bing.

"What exactly do you mean?"

Lexa leaned back, smiling as she lifted her mug to her lips. "Oh nothing, just that they were shopping together. And you know those two. If one gets an idea…"

She said no more, enjoying the way Anya was squirming in her chair.

"Fuck."

She opened her mouth to drive home her point but was interrupted by arms sliding down over her shoulders. She turned her face, smiling at the blonde hair that filled her vision, and the sweet smell of lavender and cream filling her nose.

"Hi," she whispered, not caring that her voice sounded as love-sick as Anya's snort indicated.

"Hi, baby." Clarke pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek, before pulling up a chair next to Lexa. She set her bags down next to her, and untied her scarf, pulling off her hat as she did so. She stuffed them in one of the bags next to her and propped her elbows up on the table smiling at Anya who nodded in return, before turning her attention back to Lexa.

"You ready for the party?" She reached up and pushed a stray curl behind Lexa's ear.

Lexa nodded and turned her head, managing to sloppily kiss Clarke's fingers. It wasn't quite as romantic as she'd hoped, but Clarke's endearing smile, told her she had still managed to succeed.

"Finish you Christmas shopping?"

"Uh huh. Finally got the last thing for Lincoln. That dude is hard. He is always happy with anything you get him, but I wanted to get him something extra-special this year, for all the help he gave Raven." She shrugged a little.

Anya hummed in response nodding, her lips curving into a small frown. Raven's accident last year right after Christmas had been…she gripped her mug tighter…difficult. The pain had never fully left Raven, but Lincoln had helped Raven through her therapy, never giving up on her, always accepting the verbal abuse that Raven hurled at him when every muscle in her body was screaming. Anya had never felt so helpless in her entire life watching the girl she loved crumble before her. She wasn't particularly good with words or even with soft actions, so she had done the only thing she could do: she'd simply been there, never leaving Raven's side.

"She with you?"

Clarke nodded, "she is just getting some hot chocolate and one of those giant cookies."

Anya chuckled, Just Love was famous for many things, but mostly for their peppermint and white chocolate Christmas cookies that were six inches in diameter. She turned in her chair towards the counter, spotting Raven balancing the mug and cookie with her bag. She shoved her chair back, ignoring the screech it made on the floor, and in just a few strides, she was in front of Raven, carefully taking the bag and hot chocolate from her. She knew better than to try and take the cookie. Raven was not above growling at her and smacking her in the shoulder, if she touched her cookie.

"Hi babe," she kissed Raven on the forehead and walked back with her to the table, automatically shortening her stride to match Raven's limping pace. She set everything down and pulled a chair out for Raven before sitting down also.

She rolled her eyes at the two in front of her. "Earth to Lexa. Earth to Clarke." Both ignored her, too wrapped up in each other, and she rolled her eyes again, wadding up her napkin and tossing it at Lexa's face.

"Uff. What the hell, Anya?" muttered Lexa as she pulled back, the tips of her ears turning red.

"You two are disgusting," grunted Anya.

"Uff," agreed Raven nodding her head, mouth full of cookie, her cheeks bulging slightly.

"You look like a chipmunk," chuckled Clarke, laughing harder when Raven just shrugged and stuffed more cookie in her mouth.

Lexa sighed and wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulders, pulling her in closer. She didn't care what Anya thought or Raven. She only cared that she was here with Clarke. Besides, she knew that while Anya might not be overly affectionate, the woman was secretly besotted with Raven.

Raven finally swallowed her cookie and turned to Anya, "What's up, Stud?"

Anya smirked, "You have crumbs." She reached over and wiped them off the corners of Raven's mouth.

Raven grinned and wiped her hands free of crumbs, sipping at her hot chocolate.

"So you going to give it to her?"

"Oh, right!"

Anya sat up carefully, eyes narrowed. She slid her gaze to the side, not liking the way Clarke was positively beaming. She pressed her fingers into the edge of the table, when Clarke leaned into Lexa whispering something in her ear. And if the shit-eating grin that was now plastered across Lexa's face was any indication, what was about to happen did not bode well for her.

Raven finished rummaging around in her bag, finally yanking out what she was looking for. "I had to go back and get it after Clarke bought one for Lexa the other day."

Anya squeaked, her chest constricting. She was never going to live this down. Something was shoved under her nose, and she instinctively reared back, her eyes crossing. It took her a moment to focus, and when she did, she immediately regretted it.

Pink. Everything was pink. So much pink. She'd never seen so much pink before. And not just pink. Fuzzy pink made from cheap wool and polyester. She wanted to cry. Or punch Lexa. Lexa who was laughing, wheezing even.

She gingerly took it from Raven, wincing as she held it up in front of her, immediately regretting it. It took a moment for her to realize that the figure on the pink sweater was an elf. And there appeared to be a million little plastic buttons all over the sweater.

"It's an elf," she muttered weakly.

"Yup! The girl elf from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!" Raven leaned over and pressed a soft plastic patch on the elf's stomach. The entire sweater immediately lit up in a strobe of silver, gold, red, and green.

Anya dropped the sweater, sure she was about to have a heart attack. The little plastic buttons were obviously lights, and she wanted to scream.

"So, Anya…what was that you were telling me earlier about Christmas sweaters?"'

Anya dragged her gaze from the offending sweater to meet Lexa's smirking gaze. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She grit her teeth, her hands fisting around the sweater, which had finally stopped flashing the obscene lights.

Raven stared at Clarke who simply shrugged, before turning to Anya, "What is she talking about?"

"Nothing," muttered Anya, before swallowing harshly. "It's just that…well…I mean…" she shrugged and gave Raven a weak smile. "It's just that I don't wear sweaters really. And only in black." Her voice trailed off at the end, and she braced herself for Raven's reply. She could feel the sweat trickling down her spine.

Lexa snorted, her arm wrapped around Clarke still, and she pulled the blonde in tighter whispering in her ear what Anya had told her earlier. Clarke gasped and then laughed, before turning to Anya, watching the scene unfold before her. She wished she had some popcorn. She settled for wrapping her arm around Lexa's waist, and sipping Lexa's mocha.

Raven said nothing for a moment before pulling out her phone. She immediately started tapping away on it, head bent over the phone so no one could see what she was doing.

"Um…Rae?" Anya swallowed hard again, wishing Lexa was anywhere but here watching it all gleefully. "Honey?"

Raven still said nothing. She'd stopped typing, and then she suddenly smiled, and started typing away again.

"Ok what are you doing?" Anya huffed in annoyance, crossing her arms over her chest, fists still wrapped in the sweater.

"Hmmm?" Raven looked up and shrugged, "Oh nothing. It's just that the party calls for us all to wear sweaters. And you don't want to wear your's. It's fine. Echo said she would wear it and be my date for the night. You're off the hook." Raven bent back over her phone, smiling as she typed out something again, ignoring Anya's outraged huff.

"What?! What the hell do you mean Echo?" She growled, acid turning in her stomach.

Raven shrugged again, eyes wide. "Look you don't want to wear the sweater. Fine. I'm not going to force you, babe." She resumed typing on her phone.

"Echo is not fucking wearing this sweater, nor is she going to the party with you! I am."

Raven stopped typing and looked up at Anya, arching an eyebrow, waiting.

"Fine," snapped Anya as she stood quickly, yanking off her jacket and sweater. She grimaced as she pulled the sweater over her head, but she'd be damned if Echo went to the party with _her_ girlfriend.

Raven shook her head, "Babe, thanks, but it is obvious you don't want to wear that. You're off the hook."

Anya sat down with a huff, stewing quietly for a moment, before she grit her teeth. "No, I do want to wear it. Ok. I do. I mean…pink isn't my favorite color…" she tried vainly to be convincing. "But the elf is…sort of cute?" She finished weakly, holding her breath.

"You sure?"

She nodded, "I want to wear it."

"Ok," Raven smiled and plunked her phone onto the table grabbing her hot chocolate and drinking it.

Anya simply stared at her for a moment, eyes wide. "B-but..aren't you going to text Echo back and tell her to shove it…I mean tell her that she doesn't need to come?"

Raven smiled, "Oh I was texting Abby to see if she needed us to pick up anything for the party, while we are out."

"Fuck! Oh my god!" Lexa laughed, head in her hand, shoulders rolling with each belly laugh. "Oh my god, Anya, your fucking face!" She crowed, supremely happy that the tables were now turned.

Clarke shook her head and chuckled, trying to stifle her laughter at least a little since Anya looked about ready to kill Lexa.

Anya glared at Lexa, seething, until she felt a hand on her leg, squeezing gently. She turned towards Raven, all of her ire melting away at the smile the other girl gave her. She shrugged and chuckled, plucking at the sweater. It was kind of funny. Ridiculous really. But if it made Raven happy, then she could do this small thing for her.

They continued to chat for another thirty minutes, before finally gathering there things and heading over to the party. Raven and Anya left ahead of them, and Clarke stopped Lexa in the parking lot.

It was dark already, and the snow was falling gently around them, as they stood under one of the parking lot lights. Clarke reached up cupped Lexa's face, "Hey."

"Hey, yourself." Lexa leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment.

"I see you are still wearing your sweater. I know Anya must have teased you about it."

Lexa shrugged and scuffed her boot in the snow, "It was nothing." She shrugged and smiled, "You know I would do anything for you."

"I know, baby, which is why I have a little something for you." Clarke looked around, seeing no one about and unzipped her jacket, revealing her own ugly sweater underneath.

Lexa chuckled, "I already knew you were going to wear one," she tugged on the hem. "It's kind of cute actually," and it was. It was a dark royal blue, with white abominable snowmen scattered across the cheap fabric. And they were all wearing hideous colored boxers in yellow, and lime and red, and purple.

"No this, silly." Clarke looked around again, before lifting her sweater to reveal the lingerie set she'd bought the other day.

Lexa felt her mind completely wipe out, and she could vaguely hear Clarke saying something, but it wasn't registering. Her mind was too busy consuming the sight in front of her, creamy breasts spilling over the top of a lacy red corset trimmed in white.

"I-I…nnngh."

Clarke laughed and dropped her sweater, not wanting Lexa to stroke out. She pressed into Lexa's warm body, pressing her cold cheek against Lexa's. "There are garters too," she whispered before kissing Lexa on the cheek.

Lexa could barely breathe, her mind conjuring up images of Clarke dressed in the lingerie laying on their bed, her fingers wrapped in Lexa's hair, urging Lexa on between her legs. She shuddered, wrapping her arms tightly around Clarke. "Can we skip the party?"

"Absolutely not. But we can leave early," chuckled Clarke at the eager look on Lexa's face.

"I love you," she whispered as she pressed her lips to Lexa's, drinking in the taste of the other girl.

Lexa sighed into the kiss, making her wish in the falling snow. A lifetime. She wanted a lifetime of ugly Christmas sweaters with Clarke.

 **Thoughts?**


End file.
